Rebuilding Intuition

Recovery

By Donc on March 29, 2024 • ( 5 Comments )

While I may often feel it during my morning Eleventh Step work, how do I stay aware of God’s presence within me all through the day? Similarly, how do I stay in harmony (aligned) throughout the day with how HP wants me to live, because therein lies peace?  And peace is recovery. 

I have often  resolved to schedule mid-day check-ins with HP,  but then get busy and distracted and forget about it. By bedtime it’ s too late to change the day, though hindsight may help tomorrow.

Obviously these two questions are related. I put major focus on trying to base my thoughts, words, and actions on the principles for living I’ve learned in my 12-step world and related literature. My list goes way beyond the usual moral principles attached to each of the steps, traditions, concepts. I even add OA’s nine tools to my principles, though those are more “actions” to help me live the steps rather than moral principles. All these are in effect my Higher Power or, said another way, a compilation of the will of my Higher Power for me.

I reaffirm all these every morning in different ways in my lengthy (usually 45 to 60 minutes) Eleventh Step work.  A morning inventory reminds me of the principles, as do my readings, writings, prayers, and affirmations. I say the Serenity, Third, Seventh (plus add-on’s), Eleventh Step prayers plus several of my own – including an opening and closing prayer. I do various kinds of affirmations related to living today rather than the past or the future, faith, self-esteem, disability, service, abstinence – all of which are reminders of God’s will for me.

As noted above, the principles for living are in fact how I define HP. They are ways of living and believing in which I have absolute faith. They are stored in the reservoir of truth, goodness and love deep within me. My morning work is tapping into that reservoir for strength, courage, love, and direction for the day. Sometimes I talk about it as packing my spiritual bag for today’s trip through life.

I think I’m beginning to answer my questions.  I stay aware of HP’s presence – though I’m not overtly aware of it – by living these principles in all my affairs. A way of acting and being that seems consistent with HP’s will for me – the result being a feeling of being aligned. I don’t need to ask what would God have me do in every situation during the day. Like an athlete I don’t need to review the fundamentals every minute. I know them intuitively. They are imbedded in me. I am them. I just need to trust and implement.

My recovery began with learning a new way of eating, but the strength to keep going and doing came from the emotional and spiritual rewiring of my brain. Food was the symptom, not the real problem. At some point I became one with all these new ways of thinking and dealing with life. Call it rewiring, or transformation, or rebuilding, or spiritual awakening, I evolved into a new person.  I learned the new ways, then practiced and practiced until I became them.

Occasionally I do a lengthy inventory (like a fourth step). The last list of principles against which I measured myself totaled 81. That’s a bit much. Actually, a lot much. But it was a good list for me at this physically challenging time in my life.  It’s now posted to the back of my journal and entitled God’s Will for Don.

No, I’m not going to give you the list. You can do your own by simply studying page by page the Big Book, both the OA and AA 12&12’s, OA’s For Today, and Voices of Recovery, and summarizing the principles for living a good life in the short time we have on this planet.

I think I’ve answered my opening questions about staying aware of God’s presence and staying aligned with his will. It’s almost intuitive but the reinforcement and reminders come every morning. I do a lengthy eleventh step including a food plan, action plan and attitude plan. I don’t forget the plan HP and I made for the day. Every sponsee call reinforces my program. Every other non-sponsee program call reinforces my program. Every meeting I attend reinforces my program. Every abstinent meal I eat reinforces my program. Doing service during the day for Intergroup, Region or World Service reinforces my program. Most importantly, every act of patience, tolerance, kindness, love, and service I do for others or OA today reinforces my program. I intuitively focus on living in acceptance rather than anger and resentment, in surrender to the flow rather than trying to control/manage everything, in humility rather than pride and self-centeredness, in love and tolerance rather than judging and criticizing, in gratitude rather than self-pity, in accountability rather than blaming, and in faith and trust rather than fear and worry.

As usual, take what you want and leave the rest. Emotional and spiritual recovery for me was about rebuilding my intuition.

Categories: Recovery